In the mean time.....

I left off with Ben missing some milestones and me being pregnant. Time continued to pass and the unsettled gut feeling that something was wrong continued to grow. Ben was not walking or standing by his 1st birthday. I tried not to compare him to other kids but lets face it we all do this. The gap was getting much larger. I took Ben back to his pediatrician Dr Blair (love her) for a look. Dr. Blair has always comforted me and loved my kids. At that time all my concerns were duly noted. The end result to all my office visits were Ben is not bad enough yet and time will tell. Other signs that looking back were sleeping to much, had to have passy or something in his mouth, constipation, lack of interest in toys other than trains, and abundant interest in writing (not pictures), strange posturing of his hands and a vacancy in his eyes. I am posting some picture to represent what Ben looked like. NOW, don't judge the pictures it was before I started taking photographs.

Beginning of Ben's Journey

Ben was always a very affectionate baby. He loved hugs, kisses, to be read to, oh and did I mention TRAINS. Train rule our home still to this day. The moment this little guy was born he was a happy baby. Always engaging us in play and gesturing to get what he needed. At about 9mons I notice he did not hold an eye gaze with me. All mothers know when you are holding your baby and they actually look into your eyes. That moment pulls at your heartstrings (as tears fall down my face). I did not experience that with Ben. I continued to put it in the back of my mind telling myself he was so sweet and wanted to be loved on. There is nothing wrong and I am expecting this too soon. Ben at that point had not missed any "developmental milestone" as the pediatrician called it. Myself being a new Mommy could not discern between the mommy instincts or new mommy syndrome. By the way, I will say "Mommy Instincts" so much you will tire of it (sorry). Did I mention that I was also 4weeks pregnant with Hudson. Trust me once you have had one you become a baby machine. Ben and Hudson are 18months apart. ohhhhh as I take a breath. Telling myself at that time, God does not make mistakes. I would not want to stand in front of God and say I rejected one of his most precious gifts. Isn't it sometimes a challenge to be open to Gods plan and surrender the big decision to him? Just something I've personally had to learn the hard way darn it. OK back to Ben if I have not scared you away already:-).

Obeying God

I have a battle inside myself to blog or not to blog. I am so thankful and give ALL the glory to God that Benjamin and our family have come so far. I have trouble going backwards to tell Ben's recovery story. It is like reliving something we have worked so hard to walk through. Although you know when God keeps pulling your heartstrings to share and you're afraid you will be disobeying if you don't? That's were I'm at so bear with me!

I have decided if we owe and have a responsibility to God and other children to offer our experiences. OK now I have had my come to Jesus meeting in front of you all I'll get to my point. I am trying to obey God with and share the raw experience of having a child with special needs. After we catch up to current events my blog will be much more upbeat I Promise!!!

Autism- I guess I should start at the beginning so there is an understanding of our path. 1st know the facts in 2008 1-150 children will be diagnosed with Autism and 1-94 will be males. Statistic from the CDC "1983 the CDC recommends 10 shots ,In 2008 the CDC recommends 36 shots" In 1983 1-10,000 children were diagnosed with Autism. MY point I would like to make is that there is a safer way to vaccinate our children. I pray by sharing Benjamin's life that other children can be helped. I pray that this will empower other Mothers to listen to their "Mommy Instincts" and know you can decide to give your child a safer vaccine schedule. I hope to help in educating parents,preventing Autism for other children, helping parents to recover their diagnosed child.