Beginning of Ben's Journey

Ben was always a very affectionate baby. He loved hugs, kisses, to be read to, oh and did I mention TRAINS. Train rule our home still to this day. The moment this little guy was born he was a happy baby. Always engaging us in play and gesturing to get what he needed. At about 9mons I notice he did not hold an eye gaze with me. All mothers know when you are holding your baby and they actually look into your eyes. That moment pulls at your heartstrings (as tears fall down my face). I did not experience that with Ben. I continued to put it in the back of my mind telling myself he was so sweet and wanted to be loved on. There is nothing wrong and I am expecting this too soon. Ben at that point had not missed any "developmental milestone" as the pediatrician called it. Myself being a new Mommy could not discern between the mommy instincts or new mommy syndrome. By the way, I will say "Mommy Instincts" so much you will tire of it (sorry). Did I mention that I was also 4weeks pregnant with Hudson. Trust me once you have had one you become a baby machine. Ben and Hudson are 18months apart. ohhhhh as I take a breath. Telling myself at that time, God does not make mistakes. I would not want to stand in front of God and say I rejected one of his most precious gifts. Isn't it sometimes a challenge to be open to Gods plan and surrender the big decision to him? Just something I've personally had to learn the hard way darn it. OK back to Ben if I have not scared you away already:-).

Obeying God

I have a battle inside myself to blog or not to blog. I am so thankful and give ALL the glory to God that Benjamin and our family have come so far. I have trouble going backwards to tell Ben's recovery story. It is like reliving something we have worked so hard to walk through. Although you know when God keeps pulling your heartstrings to share and you're afraid you will be disobeying if you don't? That's were I'm at so bear with me!

I have decided if we owe and have a responsibility to God and other children to offer our experiences. OK now I have had my come to Jesus meeting in front of you all I'll get to my point. I am trying to obey God with and share the raw experience of having a child with special needs. After we catch up to current events my blog will be much more upbeat I Promise!!!